Staying Optimistic

Peace Corps life is stressful and makes sane people feel crazy. One moment, you're making jokes with your students, loving life, laughing, and the next moment, you want to crawl under the covers and never come out again. I've been pretty lucky so far. I would say I've definitely had fewer emotional breakdowns than the average PCV does by this time in their service.

But living in a foreign country, alone, surrounded by people you don't know is bound to get even the most resilient of people down, and I was down this week. I missed two days of school due to illness, and I found myself wishing I was still sick so I wouldn't have to go to school for the rest of the week. I didn't want to come out of my house, didn't want to come out of my room or even get out of bed. I didn't pick up my guitar or my sketchbook -- I just watched movies and slept, and felt generally devoid of energy.

It's difficult to be so far away from everyone else. More than once I have wished that I could switch sites and live anywhere that's closer to other volunteers -- or, most of all, wished for a sitemate. Sometimes I do get jealous of the people who seem to have integrated perfectly into their communities already, people who seem like everybody adores them and nothing bothers them. The "perfect" Peace Corps Volunteers.

However, I know that lying in bed all day is not a good way to battle the blues, so I forced myself to make a list of things that I can do to lift my spirits. My favorite things, Sound of Music-style. These include: talking to people (friends, family, neighbors), creative endeavors (guitar, sketching, writing), food (hot chocolate, cooking, peanut butter), being active (stretching, yoga), cleaning (laundry, dishes, hair), and making plans (for tomorrow, for the next two years, for the rest of my life...) It also helps me to think about what my life would be like if I weren't here. I'd likely still be working  and living in Houston -- which was fun, but frustratingly future-less.  I had some pretty stressful moments back then, too. Thinking about that helps me remember why I came here in the first place.

So last night, I made up my mind to do several of the items on my list to lift my spirits. Operation Positive Thinking. I washed some clothes, washed some dishes, talked to Lisa, talked to Szasha, talked to my mom, cuddled with Poppy, sketched the sunset, and wrote in my journal whilst listening to calming music.

It made such a difference. Today, I woke up and I felt much happier. Less anxious, more energetic. I walked into my most challenging class and I just taught, all the while telling myself that later on I would reward myself with naan and curry for dinner. It helped! I looked at all the blank faces staring back at me, and instead of getting disappointed, I just thought about naan and curry.

"Who knows the answer to the next question?"

*SILENCE*

"Anybody?"

*A pin drops.*

"Nobody at all?"

*A cricket chirps.*

"Whatever, I'm eating naan and curry for dinner tonight, suckers!"

OK, maybe that's not exactly how it went down. But you get the point.

Shake it off! OPTIMISM!

The product of my evening mood-lifting sketch session.