In America, when you come home from a vacation at the beach, you hear things like "You look great!" and "Nice tan!" People ask you how the water was and what you ate, they want to hear all about how nice it was to relax on the sand with a cold drink in one hand and a good book in the other.
Here, that's not the case. When I came home yesterday, my well-meaning Mozambican colleagues had other things to say, such as "Ew, you got brown." and "Nice shoes, how much did they cost? Nice capulana, how much did it cost? Nice *insert any new item here*, how much did it cost?" and of course, my very favorite, "You are getting soooooo fat."
Mozambicans LOVE to tell you you're getting fat. To a Mozambican, being fat is chique. Being told you're fat is a compliment. So they won't hesitate to tell you you're fat ALL THE TIME. It doesn't matter if you're actually fatter or not --- you've still "gotten fat." (Let's ignore for a minute the fact that I've actually lost weight since coming to Mozambique.)
One time, after I came home from a short trip, I was walking through the town and saudaring people. ("Saying hi.") I passed my neighbor. "Welcome home! You're so fat!". I saw my friend. "Wowee, you must have eaten well cause you got FAT!" I saw my students "Teacher! So fat!" And finally, I passed an old lady I know. "Hey there, fatty!" she said toothlessly.
I know for a fact that this old lady is blind as a bat, so I call B.S. on this whole "fat" business.
Now pass me those chocolate cookies.
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